Pamela's Inspired Thoughts

When I’m broken, broken beyond what I think can ever be fixed
I feel hopeless, trapped, powerless and alone in my fear that someone will know just how broken I am

I don’t know when I broke and was breaking,
I just realized one day that I am severely broken
That realization scares me and physically hurts
That realization makes me feel more hopeless
Who can help the broken me?
Can the broken me be fixed?

I go to work, school, social events but I’m only functioning
Within my brokenness---I’m still broken---I still hurt

Can anyone understand the pain inside—in the place where
no one can see or feel but me? I don’t have anyone who can understand cause I’m not sure I can explain the pain I feel

I want to NOT be broken but there are so many things I’m broken
In … how do I start to “fix” what I can’t see, didn’t know was happening and have no control over?

When I sit and think about all that has happened in my life…I don’t know if I broke me or if someone else broke me or if both happened
But what do I do about it now? I’m broken

As I sit here and listen to Yolanda Adams sing “Thank You”
I feel me pain engulf me and I cry….
Lord, Can you fix me? Can you fix the many things that happened?
Lord, Can you remove the hurt? Can you make a difference in my heart right now?
I was raised to pray but I gotta be honest Lord, sometimes I just don’t know what to say
Or how to say it and at times I hurt so bad that I can’t say anything…all I can do is cry...

Lord I believe…and I need…and I want…and I….I….thank you Lord…for being here to hear me
Lord please hear me….please fix me….fix me Lord….Lord, take away this pain
Lord, take away this feeling of being wrong and uncertain and afraid and alone and…and …broken
Lord, thank you, thank you , thank you……from the bottom of my heart thank you
I don’t see the end of whatever this is I’m in-- but I know you do….and I thank you that you can see what I can’t see and I’m depending on you to be able to see what I can’t see
I gotta believe that you can see better for me cause I can’t see better for myself and
I depend on you to show me the way to the better that you can see…..Lord guide me to the better that you can see….and remove the pain I feel….I know you can stop this pain
Lift my heart Lord….Life my spirit Lord….Lift me Lord so that I can rise above what’s holding me down.

Lord I lift my hand and take advantage of this chance to say…. Thank you!
Pamela, Inspired to Speak